Having just dismissed as reductive articles that abuse division and classification in order to dummy down complex subject matter, I’m going to do that very thing in today’s post!
It’s clear to me that people date for different purposes at different times of life. And I think it would behoove all of us to be more aware of just why we are dating, and to know that our purpose is often a shared one with contemporaries. That’s why, at least for the most part, it makes good sense to date people who are in the same phase of life as you are.
[Of course men and women often prefer to date outside their life-phase. Call them what you will — normal, dirty old men, cougars, oedipal — we’ll leave that discussion for another post.]
These dating-life phases are approximations. Some people mature really young. Some maybe never. But in general, here’s the why people of a certain age are dating:
1. Teens- early 20’s date to play. To act largely on hormonal impulses and in-so-doing, to learn the rules of the road. To discover sexuality and the agreements that sometimes accompany it called “relationships.”
2. Mid-20’s through 30’s date to mate. If you’re interested in, hell-bent on, or chosen to procreate, it will most likely occur during this time frame. So, it makes sense that dating is very bound up with mating. The gal or guy you date is potentially part of your off-spring’s gene pool. This is very serious business.
3. 40’s through 60’s date to relate. At this point, you likely have already procreated and divorced (arrghhh…shouldn’t have married that high school sweetheart, after all!) Even if you haven’t, you are not likely to be looking to start at family much past 40. You still want a relationship, or a series of relationships, or a bunch of contiguous relationships. This is the practice you started back in your teens, and you’re still in the process of perfecting it. Or attempting to.
4. 70’s+ date to play again. Or so I believe. Haven’t hit that mark quite yet. But I have observed that as people age, they often revert back to childhood or to more youthful pursuits. Time is wicked and spares no woman or man. But the saving grace, hopefully, is that we all get to play in the end. No more imperative to procreate. No lingering fascination with a perfect relationship. Just dating for the sheer pleasure of the other’s company.