Again, God has matched me up with a woman with a long history of wild, impulsive, passionate, no-holds-barred sex. But she found something lacking in that lifestyle and decided to make a change. Starting with the very next man she dates. And that very next man is always, of course -- me.
"Mark, I'm really flattered that you find me attractive enough to want to become intimate. I'm very attracted to you, too. And in the past, it wouldn't have been unusual for me to jump into bed with a guy on the first, second, or third dates. And, don't get me wrong -- I love sex and am a very passionate and giving lover. I crave sex. But where are all those guys I had sex with? Obviously, not in the picture anymore. The only thing I have from them are my memories of the endless hot, steamy, sheet-drenched love-making. But I'm so over that now. It's just not enough. I want and need a substantial, committed, lasting relationship. Which I know will not happen if we have sex right away. Look, I care about you. I want us to last. But for that to happen, and before we take our clothes off, it's important to me that we establish that all-important - (DRUMROLL) -- Foundation of Friendship. Don't you agree?"
Jeez Louise, now I'm in a bind. If I disagree, she'll perceive me as some impatient, horny pig who doesn't care about her feelings or our romantic future. But if I agree, for the next three months I may as well be a eunuch.
Before I can even begin my appeal, I can see that her mind's made up, her legs are crossed, and for the next few months, the Pope and I will be sharing the exact same level of sexual activity.
Look, I don't mind being punished for my own impulsive, horny behavior. But I keep being punished for that of other guys. I suppose in my heart I realize that these women are probably right. So, yes, I'll keep hanging in there until that cursed Foundation of Friendship happens. But would it be too much to ask to just once be the last guy a woman misbehaves with before she decides to change her behavior and mine? Just once! Or maybe twice, just to have a point of comparison.
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